How often is too often?

I've been thinking recently about how often people go to visit the graves of their family and loved one's that have passed away.
I feel that i dont go down to see Mia's grave nearly half as much as i would like.
It is only about 20 minutes walk from my house to the Church, but the only time i get to go is when me and Dh go together when we are out on our own.
We have taken the kids down a couple of times, but they dont really understand the whole thing of her actually still being there now, but under the ground... they do associate and remember the place as where Mia was, but its hard to explain it to them as there still so young.
The last time we went down was about a week ago, but before that was the middle of July i think.
Mia is burried in a baby burial garden and i noticed that a lot of the graves aren't more than a couple of years old, but they look untidy and uncared for and some dont even have a gravestone or plaque with a name on it.
I know everybody is different when it comes to grief, and have different circumstances concerning it, but it makes me feel guilty if i havent been down to see her in a couple of weeks at the most.
I used to feel more comforted by knowing she was still close and i could go down any time i needed to... but when i get there, i cant stay for more than 5 minutes without feeling very uncomfortable and nervous. Its like i'm standing there like a statue, not knowing what to do... just staring into space with the feeling that a million people are watching me even though there is nobody else there.
I feel stupid if i sit there and cry, i feel unnatural if i dont, and as much as i'd like to talk to her occassionally... i'd feel embarrassed about doing it especially in front of Dh.
I sometimes think that its pointless even going down to the grave, as i have all my memories, keepsakes and photo's all here with me... but the thought of leaving her there alone in a churchyard rips out my heart!
I've even started to wonder if she notices i've not been down as often and if she misses me as much as i miss her?
There isn't one minute of every day that i dont think about her still or catch a glimpse of her photo on the table, and i know she's always going to be there... watching over us and will stay deep within me, but its just physically going to see her grave that im not happy with!
Should i be going more often, or less often?
Will it help me if i do or dont?
I'm just not sure what is right at the moment.

The Anger Stage

Well its been a while since i've last wrote on here.
Things seem to be getting easier mentally now, it doesnt seem to hurt as much when we or other people talk about my angel, which i suppose i can now understand when people say that time is a healer... which i never thought could happen.
We've had a few upsets with my mother-in-law over photographs of all things.... now this might just be me being over-sensitive but, I have a lovely photograph of Mia in her moses basket wearing the frilly dress we brought for her especially, and the picture i have is the origional photo...
My mil has asked to have a copy of the same photo!
As silly as it may sound, i want that particular picture for myself and i have it in a beautiful frame on my coffee table in our living room and it means a lot to us as it was placed on top of her coffin at her funeral for the service.
Am i being selfish by not letting her have a copy of it?
There are other photo's very similar to it, but she doesn't want one of those as my picture is nicer!!
I was for a while, very reluctant to give anybody a photo of her... i have no idea why, but i still feel like that.
After her having a strop because i refused her the same photo, she has chosen another couple of pictures she wants and what really gets on my nerves is she actually wants 'The' photo's... not copies, she wants my original pictures!
At the hospital, we was advised to get lots of different piccies in different positions, clothes, places to help us remember what short time we had with her and for mil to want to take some of them away from us, upsets me terribly and makes me think she doesn't care about my feelings as she is constantly bringing up the subject every time we speak... which lately is quite rarely.

When i started to write this post, i felt fine about writing down my feelings again, but the more i carry on, the more i realise im deffinately in the 'angry stage' of it all now.
I've not felt the anger at all up until recently, Dh had the anger from the beggining but i had the guilt!
I'm not angry at anyone in particular, most certainly not at Dh or the kids at all, but things other people do or say seem to hit a nerve like they never did before. I dont even know how to explain whats going through my mind apart from I sometimes feel complete hatred for some people at times, and i dont know why?
It just seems to come and go without any warning of it, and it can be the smallest comment or jesture that sets it off.
I'm sure this will soon fade, as did the uncontrolable guilt and crying.
I'm sure i'll be posting again soon, im just not sure how to put it down right now.
And other than just mentioned above, the summer holidays have been great.
I've really enjoyed the kids being here and they have been soooo great and well behaved, even though the weather hasnt been that nice and we've not done a fat lot either!
But im so proud of them all and wish the holidays would last forever.
Weather il be wishing the same thing in a couple of week's... we'll see.