How often is too often?

I've been thinking recently about how often people go to visit the graves of their family and loved one's that have passed away.
I feel that i dont go down to see Mia's grave nearly half as much as i would like.
It is only about 20 minutes walk from my house to the Church, but the only time i get to go is when me and Dh go together when we are out on our own.
We have taken the kids down a couple of times, but they dont really understand the whole thing of her actually still being there now, but under the ground... they do associate and remember the place as where Mia was, but its hard to explain it to them as there still so young.
The last time we went down was about a week ago, but before that was the middle of July i think.
Mia is burried in a baby burial garden and i noticed that a lot of the graves aren't more than a couple of years old, but they look untidy and uncared for and some dont even have a gravestone or plaque with a name on it.
I know everybody is different when it comes to grief, and have different circumstances concerning it, but it makes me feel guilty if i havent been down to see her in a couple of weeks at the most.
I used to feel more comforted by knowing she was still close and i could go down any time i needed to... but when i get there, i cant stay for more than 5 minutes without feeling very uncomfortable and nervous. Its like i'm standing there like a statue, not knowing what to do... just staring into space with the feeling that a million people are watching me even though there is nobody else there.
I feel stupid if i sit there and cry, i feel unnatural if i dont, and as much as i'd like to talk to her occassionally... i'd feel embarrassed about doing it especially in front of Dh.
I sometimes think that its pointless even going down to the grave, as i have all my memories, keepsakes and photo's all here with me... but the thought of leaving her there alone in a churchyard rips out my heart!
I've even started to wonder if she notices i've not been down as often and if she misses me as much as i miss her?
There isn't one minute of every day that i dont think about her still or catch a glimpse of her photo on the table, and i know she's always going to be there... watching over us and will stay deep within me, but its just physically going to see her grave that im not happy with!
Should i be going more often, or less often?
Will it help me if i do or dont?
I'm just not sure what is right at the moment.